Lover Of Grumpy Animals Pillows

'You only love me because you haven't got a boyfriend!'

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"I hate it..."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'Show one more kitten photo,lady and the next time you see me will be on a 'missing' poster!'

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

Grumpy old merry men.

"Oh my God with the singing!"

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

"You have the Hum bug.'

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

'Self-help books for cynics'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

'I'll sit on your lap when I decide, okay?'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

'I warn you, I'm armed and dangerous!'

Wife about mad man leaving church: 'You'll have to excuse my husband. He always wakes up grumpy.'

'Did he just flip me the feeding fish?'

'I've had it with your bright, sunny, upbeat...'

'Be advised, Monday through Thursday I don't do 'perky'.'

"Everything okay, Wilson?"

'When did I become so old and morose?' 'I know. It seems only yesterday you were young and morose.'

It was only a matter of time until Gertrude turned into a grumpy cat.

I don't know what my beef is today...

"Stick-in-the-mud Cruise"

Why weathermen are forced to retire at 55.