Grumpiness Aficionado Pillows

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

Wife about mad man leaving church: 'You'll have to excuse my husband. He always wakes up grumpy.'

Why weathermen are forced to retire at 55.

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'Why am I such a grouch?'

Grumpy old merry men.

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

"You have the Hum bug.'

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

Thanks for making the breakfast meeting, Harris.

Grumpy Old Men

'Cheer up...'

'Kids get right up my nose!'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

'Self-help books for cynics'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

I HATE STUFF

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

'Dinner.'

"Everything okay, Wilson?"

'Don't you snap at me, mister!'