Grumpiness Aficionado Pillows

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

'When did I become so old and morose?' 'I know. It seems only yesterday you were young and morose.'

Wife about mad man leaving church: 'You'll have to excuse my husband. He always wakes up grumpy.'

Mr. Cranky Pants Plants A Garden Part 5

Why weathermen are forced to retire at 55.

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'Why am I such a grouch?'

Grumpy old merry men.

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

"You have the Hum bug.'

'Cheer up...'

Grumpy Old Men

Thanks for making the breakfast meeting, Harris.

'Kids get right up my nose!'

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

'Self-help books for cynics'

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

I HATE STUFF

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

"You're still grumpy. See if you can get a refund on that Happy Meal."

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'