Grumpy Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

Grumpy old merry men.

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'Self-help books for cynics'

"You hearing aid you miserable, mean, catankerous old git."

"Yes M'lord, I did shout 'I hate Santa Claus' in the department store, but it isn't a crime!"

"Everything okay, Wilson?"

"Cold? You're cold! I grew up during the ice age!"

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I hate it..."

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

Old Man Journal

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

"You have the Hum bug.'

Grumpy Old Men

'I know how you feel.'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

'Kids get right up my nose!'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

"Oh, my arthurs a breeder too, contempt mainly!"

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

Uncle Murray Weekly

"We managed to resuscitate him, but he's still very critical."

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'