Grumpy Humor Lover Pillows

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

"Forty may be the new twenty and sixty the new thirty... but eighty eight is still crappin' in paper underpants and swallowing your dentures."

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

I don't know what my beef is today...

"So, apart from 'the right to say what you ruddy well like', do you know of any other benefits you may be entitled to?"

"You say every Winter is your 'Winter of discontent'."

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

Football player has head instead of ball.

Grumpy old merry men.

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

'You only love me because you haven't got a boyfriend!'

Grumpy Old Men

'I know how you feel.'

'Self-help books for cynics'

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

'Kids get right up my nose!'

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

"Oh, my arthurs a breeder too, contempt mainly!"

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

Uncle Murray Weekly

"We managed to resuscitate him, but he's still very critical."

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."