Love-life Jokester Pillows

"We constantly argue, go days without talking, and the sex is virtually non-existent."

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

Einstein's T-Shirt reads: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me.

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

A couple dressed as a knife and a fork

Wind Tunnel of Love.

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'Actually, I do mind wearing your pedometer!'

'They were all out of roses.'

William, have I ever told you you're the wings beneath my wind?

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

Men dancing

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Consenting Adults.

Speech-bubble-head-boy loves think-bubble-head-girl.

"Pretty impressive for a product of a 3-D printer."

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

"Well, he is at the age now here the repairs are starting to happen. Very quickly the cost exceeds the benefit. You better think about a new one."

'Why can't you just think irrationally every once in a while?'

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'