Love Language Analysts Gifts

"What do you mean you want to slow things down?"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"You're the woman of one of my dreams."

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Deconstructionist girlfriend

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"My love language - I give words of affirmation when receiving gifts of cheese."

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

"Just once I'd like it if you could tell me you love me without using flash cards."

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"The fact that you rely on a teleprompter is a good indication that you need to work on your communication skills."

"I'm sorry darling, did I just say, 'I hate you with every micro-fiber of my being'?"

"If I were a car, you could find the words."

"If you really loved me you wouldn't expect me to spar with you."

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

"I can't see it lasting!"

It's a shared responsibility... you're not right and I'm not wrong.

"Yes, I said that a man should be able to show his emotions but..."

'What really bugs me, is that we could be a cute couple, if it weren't for you.'

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.