Lottery Hopefuls Gifts

"Gosh, now we could afford to go into farming..."

New York Lottery Jackpot: Go to the head of any gas line, with police escort.

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Bribes for Jabs

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

Why do you hate the media?

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

"Have you been scratching this?"

Highlights for Adults

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"It's lotto fever."

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

"The good news is, my son is a potential winner, bad news, I'm still buying his lottery tickets."

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

'Of course, it's marvellous news! Absolutely marvellous! My Word! A national lottery winner! Wonderful stroke of luck!'