Aspiring Jackpot Winner Gifts

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"I used to want to be an astronaut, but now I think I'd rather be a billionaire space tourist."

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"With the caveat that the only certainty in this life is uncertainty, I still want to entertain the possibility of being a pundit when I grow up."

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

"Before you grade my test, keep in mind, my dream is to become a wealthy doctor, just like my available father"

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

The Idea of America.

"How am I supposed to unleash my full potential when I'm always on one?"

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

'My fortune says 'you can't be too thin, or too rich, or have too much computer memory'.'

'Frank said if he ever won a lot of money from online gambling, he wouldn't change, He lied,'

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

"That's the shoestring I started with. It was tied around 100 million dollars worth of stocks and bonds."

"Making an honest dollar's easy. Making an honest million, now that's tough."

'I'm not sure, but I think illegal gambling is when you win.'

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'May I have my allowance in gold bullion?'

An affair to remember.

What we're looking for is someone who can dream big and work within our budget.

'We're reconciled-thanks to the Lottery rollover!'

'I don't want to be president when I grow up - but I'd like to have enough money to run.'

'Your mum and I are thinking about giving your power of attorney...' - 'Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm rich! Rich!' - '...and now, strangely, I'm having second thoughts.'

'Be careful! It's her first time winning the jackpot!'

'Yes, well we all like money'

'What shall I do with these old books of yours? '

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

'Is there a Nobel Prize for viewing?'

Pygmy giant squid

When Tia Carmen says... "Every misfortune you have carries in it the seed of tomorrow's good luck!" it means... "I didn't win the lottery last week, but this week that jackpot's mine!"

'My story? I was phoning my boss when I thought the sweepstake's people were at my door and I told him to take his job and shove it.'

"Why is it that every time we get invited to a pot luck, they expect us to bring deviled eggs?"

Maps to the Hovels of Would Be Stars.

'If you want to prepare for you retirement, why don't you buy a bank like I did?'