Jackpot Hopefuls Gifts

'I'd like to take this opportunity to say goodbye to my wife, relatives and friends.'

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

"Have you been scratching this?"

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

'I'm not sure, but I think illegal gambling is when you win.'

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'IT'S NOT YOU!'

'Has anything changed since your Dad won the lottery?'

'We're reconciled-thanks to the Lottery rollover!'

An affair to remember.

'Be careful! It's her first time winning the jackpot!'

'Since stocks are so wacko now,I'm advising clients to go with their lucky numbers on lotto tickets.'

"We're still pre-rich."

When Tia Carmen says... "Every misfortune you have carries in it the seed of tomorrow's good luck!" it means... "I didn't win the lottery last week, but this week that jackpot's mine!"

"Why is it that every time we get invited to a pot luck, they expect us to bring deviled eggs?"

"We're going to use the 6.4 million pounds to purchase a terraced in a run down area of Huddersfield."

'My story? I was phoning my boss when I thought the sweepstake's people were at my door and I told him to take his job and shove it.'

"No point buying our ticket here - the odds of them selling another big winner are ridiculous."

'I win!!

Bartender: 'Take it from me buddy,stay clear of that one.She's only interested in your money.'

'Our troubles are over Lew.. I've just won the lottery!'

"No one knew for sure who won the lotto jackpot. . . but Jimmy indicated that his fiscal situation had improved."

'You did hit the jackpot, sir - we're it.'

"Tonight's lotto numbers are..."

"Hoping to win the lottery is not a retirement strategy!"

We thought we'd put in the details later!

'I'm sorry. The possibility that you may have won $10 million in the sweepstakes won't do as collateral.'

'I only need a job until I win the lottery.'

Vending machines at work: Snacks, Coffee, Glimmer of Hope

'You're failing chemistry!' 'But...you're taking away my dream of becoming a professional athlete!'

'I used to be really depressed about losing the superlotto, but then I found this support group, and I realized I'm not the only person who hasn't won.'

'Has winning all that money changed him, you ask...?'

"I need a professional money manager. The success of my investment portfolio is predicated on my winning the lottery."