Loss Of A Relative Gifts

"Did you once admire your Aunt's kitchen towels?"

'He must not have been an easy man to care for. He always had an iron will. Which brings us to what he left you.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Any idea how long your family might be visiting?

Children's Party

'He was a great writer'

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

Stockwell's day

"If you really loved me you wouldn't have called me Euthanasia!"

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

Postcards from Heaven...

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

'Grief counselling'

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."