Loss Of A Parent Gifts

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

"Your mother wanted you to have this for good luck. It's her foot."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'It would have been easier to prove your father was of sound mind when he wrote this will if he hadn't written it on the headed notepaper of the psychiatric hospital in which he'd been sectioned.'

"As per your father's wishes, the reading of the will shall be preceded by a tight five-minute comedy set inspired by my dating life -- or lack thereof!"

"Kids, the only reason I never talk about your mother is because I care about your feelings. Losing Rosa in that car wreck was awful...I wanted to protect you from those painful memories."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

Grave stone in text-message speak: 'U woz r dad now u r ded :-(' "I'm amazed it got past the vicar."

'Ask yourself, how will taking the afternoon off for your mother's funeral look to Mr. Beegley?'

'We've been invited to a black tie do - your mother has died, dear.'

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

'Of course, I used to keep Dad in an urn until the...well, the cleaning incident.'

"It's gonna be tough trying to fill your pa's boots, Jake."

"Sergio, Baldo and Gracie were devastated after Rosa died. It's hard when children lose their mother."

"He was a very good boy."

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

'He was a great writer'

Halo Frisbee.

"This is just SO like him. For years, I begged him to straighten up and fly right, and when he finally DID, it was right into a picture window!"

'In memory of our beloved Skippy.'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

Blues artis's daily list

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"Only one of my lives was a bowl of cherries."

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

Postcards from Heaven...

'Se Non E Vero' Etc.

A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.