Losing A Parent Gifts

"I could never leave this place—this is where I grew up."

'My parents had the decency to die at the right age!'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'He loved that dog.'

'He was a great writer'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

Postcards from Heaven...

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

'Grief counselling'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

"Sorry, wrong room."

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

"What? Too soon?"

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

Kathleen felt she was stuck between Iraq and a heart place.

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

Even though we have to keep our distance...

404 British military deaths in Afghanistan.

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

Bootmaker upset over the death of a long term customer