Longevity Gifts

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

"Only one a day, my dear, that's my secret." (Man has giant glass of wine).

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'Our reputation for longevity is based on several factors: hard work, simple food, lack of stress and the inability to count correctly.'

Feel good.

Old man: 'Good news! Scientists have doubled the lifespan of cockroaches.'

'I exercised all my life. Took my vitamins, watched my diet, and where did it get me? A major illness at one hundred and four.'

'Studies show more people are living into their 90's and we're smarter.'

"The secret to longevity is good genes, good diet, a good lawyer and witnesses with weak eyesight and poor memories."

'On average a woman lives seven years longer than a man. So when I'm 80, I'm having a sex change.'

'My secret for long life? I've always drunk, smoked, made out with women...and hated yogurt.'

"I come from a family of long livers."

A beautiful life

". . . What's the secret of your long life?"

"Poor Rosalinda, she always thinks she's dying."

"Who wants to be 100? Only 99-year olds..."

The Secret of Long Life...

'To what do you attribute your longevity?'

Clancy Strip: Fear of Growing Old

'My secret for a long life? I've always drank, smoked, made out with women and hated yogurt and exercising.'

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

Bill and his pet tortoise

37 years in the same position.

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!