Longevity Thinker Gifts

Dr. Ernie answers your questions about aging. A reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, what will deteriorate fastest as I get older?" Medicare.

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

37 years in the same position.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"Good old Frank. He was always thinking of others."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

That's Seven in Human Years

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

'One day, this will all be your fault.'

"Breathe in...now breathe out. Excellent! Just remember to keep doing that for the next few years and you'll be fine."

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"I think my fat has GPS. Every time I lose some, it always finds its way back home."

"That's Ms Pitt. She's been entrenched on high alert at the front desk for 42 years."

"He said his goal was to make it to 100."

Did You Know That...Scientists in Illinois, USA, claim we would live a longer life if we were more like elves?

'Don't be silly, dear. You don't look a day over one hundred eighty three.'