Longevity Dreamer Gifts

'Living nine hundred years is okay, except you feel so darn anachronistic!'

'The best revenge is outliving your enemies. I just wish I could remember who they were!'

"Basically, I'm trying to live long enough to experience eight women for every man."

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

37 years in the same position.

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"Cloning is an imperfect science."

"Mom, Mom, watch me!"

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

Olympic Climate

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

Midlife: You Are Here.

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

'... And that's where I'm seeking planning permission to build a secret uranium enrichment plant...'

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

"I thought I'd come back YOUNG!"

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

"This is their way of reminding us how we're losing our best hope for Olympic Gold."

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

'One day son, all of this will be yours. Provided we can swing the McNulty Hart deal that is. '

"Breathe in...now breathe out. Excellent! Just remember to keep doing that for the next few years and you'll be fine."

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"I think my fat has GPS. Every time I lose some, it always finds its way back home."

Wake us up when the Olympics are over...

"He said his goal was to make it to 100."

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

'Don't be silly, dear. You don't look a day over one hundred eighty three.'