Long-term Relationship Gifts

I know he's a dog, but I think I can change him...

"Of course I've had some wonderful times since we've been married. Mostly, while you were at work."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Dear, after twenty years of marriage, I think it's time we talk about this possessiveness of yours."

"You've become very predictable, Jack - home every night!"

"We met speed dating - zap, zap, zap - and we've been engaged fourteen years."

"In bed, you never call out my name any more."

'This is my wife, Viola, who I've been happily married to for twenty five years.'

'What are we doing for Valentines Day this year?'

"When I married your father, I stopped reading."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

"I should have had him put into a more manageable format years ago."

"Hey, what do you say we just skip Valentine's Day this year?"

"Sometimes I think he can understand every word we're saying."

"And, furthermore, if you think for one damn minute I'm going to put up with your lousy shenanigans..."

"Please, John, think of the plants."

So Close..

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

Albert & Myra - The End Story

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Missing You.

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

Reading the sports pages.

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"...is somebody playing Wonderwall?"

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'Silly thing, of course I still find you repulsive.'