Long Hospital Stay Gifts

"You've really been with us quite a while, haven't you, Hepburn?"

The cell phone soother for life.

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Surgery up here is free!"

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

Balloon drip.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'