Hospital Discharge Gifts

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'This is the discharge nurse, she'll be able to tell you about all the services you aren't able to get any more when you leave.'

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'Freedom.'

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

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'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

'It's alright for you - you're going home today!'

'I don't think I've ever received a make me well card.'

Lady in wheelchair with friends.

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"Surgery up here is free!"

These are pictures of my grandchildren...' 'She's back to her old self.'

"He would've been out last week, but he got sick eating hospital food."

Patient walking out of hospital.

'You'll get a new lease on life if your HMO will pay the rent.'

"The doctor says you can go home. We'll get cable."

'Who was that masked man? I never got the chance to thank him!'

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

"Good news Mr Simms. Your blood pressure is down and you have a visitor."

"Your husband seems to have recovered - it's what we call a never event."

"First day out of bed?"

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

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"They told me you'd fix me."

"Ah-ha! Just in time to make my dinner!"

"Okay Mr. Jones, there are one or two little forms to fill in before we can discharge you."

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

The cell phone soother for life.

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."