Long-form Writing Advocate Gifts

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

Dip Pen

Mark Twain and Charles Dickens make a joint appearance on the lecture circuit

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

'Can you debunk my essay?'

Shakespeare working on his "author's bio"

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

"Would you mind taking a look at this collection of my poems? Your opinion would mean a lot."

"The narrative seems contrived."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

'Closing the letter with 'Very fondly yours' seems okay but let's run it by legal, to be sure it cannot be misinterpreted as sexual harassment.'

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

3:00 pm - Meet the author

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"I can write, but I can't draw."

'126,000 words done...now I just need to work out what order to put them in.'

"Wait a minute. Where am I going? I'm a writer."

"Joyce Carol Oates seems to have no trouble coming out with book after book."

'Yes, a winky face is correcy...But in ancient times, the semicolon was actually used to separate archaic written devices know as 'complete sentences.''

Raymond Queneau

'Here's the first copy. We only printed 1000 copies of your book.'

Louise Glück

"And put a couple of exclamation points in the email, so they know I'm serious."

"I don't know the letter carrier's name, but I can't help thinking of him as 'Bill'."

Tell the author your idea for a book at 3 pm.

"I'll run through it again. Hit those keys."

"One of the failed candidates for the copywriters job wants to know 'wart was rong with his applicashun?'"

"It's a nice story, Mr. Fergus, but why do you always write in the passive voice?" "I suppose because I've been a taxpayer all my life."

'Your poetry totally captures the raw, primitive essence of the writing workshops you've attended.'

'And always remember that it is the gritty colon itself, not the half-baked semi-colon, that wields the power to confound even the most erudite minds.'