Professional Writer Gifts

"Wait a minute. Where am I going? I'm a writer."

3:00 pm - Meet the author

'Shall we factor-in two weeks waiting for inspiration?'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Bond James, Bond."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Copycats

I should be a writer when I grow up...

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

'How fast can you hype?'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

Campaign for Plain English

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'