London Living Satirist Gifts

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

Hoodie Hang-out

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

'Oh dear, what a shame - It's raining again, Pam!'

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

Dear (some of) my fellow lefties. . . shut up and get the hell off my side.

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Snowman Driver

"You didn't seriously think that one does one's own huffing and puffing these days, did you?"

"Thank god we're out of the city."

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

This is where Brent council sends you

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

Traffic Lights Medicine

'What's the antidote for espresso?'

"Jeremy sits in his hi-tech car all day and telecommutes from our driveway."

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."

Lex Ave Express

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

"No need to set out traps, I'm leaving. You don't have Wi-Fi in this dump."

'This IS our retirement plan.'

",,,These job cuts will not affect patient care...."

Screen Addiction

"The Bluebird of Happiness is on his way. We're security."

'If you think that's silly, wait till you hear how they pick the Secretary of Defense.'

Explorers discover the last contrarian without a podcast.

Bumper sticker reads: 'I'd rather be text messaging.'

"Then I said, let's stay with Santa's sleigh, but nooo ... you wanted to see a Rangers game!"

Jack and Jill Find Vending Machine