Real-world Satirist Gifts

'We've a problem family at number 38, they all work, they're debt free, have no drug problems and appear to be happy.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

German School

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"What are you doing?"

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

"I learned about the despotism at the same time you did."

'It's heartbreaking to see Reynolds in trouble for fraud again, but I always look forward to his rooftop chases.'