Lock-loving Laugh Gifts

WARDEN, ''Willie the Wizard' gets out next week -- get ready to change all the locks.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

King and Jester

"Say, do you have time between all that DNA research to invent a non-smelly sock."

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

When placed in the hands of the right person on a long vacation, even egg salad could be a deadly weapon.

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"I feel it's only fair to warn you, Dr. Thompson, that watching cell division can be quite stimulating!"

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

'Next time you lose the school's keys, please call a locksmith instead of using a blow torch on the door.'

''Willie the Wizard' gets out next week -- get ready to change all the locks.'

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

'You've definitely mastered it, Richard, but not every song is appropriate for the chicken dance.'

'You are here' T-shirt,

'Oh dear, it looks like the men have been talking about work again.'

Kid has pot stuck on his head.

'That's the guy - lives on a 'narrow boat!'

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

'Did you ever have a feeling you're being watched?'

'Your experimental protocol fails to take into consideration, the astrological signs of the fruit flies.'

When Chemists take acid trips.

"It's just the milk talking."

Isaac Newton's brother, Bobo, discovers levity.

Bathroom privacy options: A guide.

Ross Noble

Shark picking lock to diver's cage.

Fish Pedicure

'Summited Mount Everest, did you? Was that just the one time?'

You were great last night

Parroting

"Can you do any other impressions, apart from; John, your milkman?"