Locavore Extraordinaire Gifts

"All the body parts were locally sourced."

Domestic Goddess.

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Is the MSG local?"

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

See you at the farmers market!

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

Local food for local consumption

"I love finding my food at the Farmers Market. Makes me feel like a true pioneer."

Cooking with Pierre

"Is his nose locally grown?"

"...And would sir care to kill the rabbit himself?"

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

'Could you tell me where the organic locally-grown vine-ripened union-picked kiwis are?'

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse! You've come to the right place.

Seal blubber stew

'Have you noticed how portions are getting bigger?'

"This is a self-service diner. I cook the meals and I eat them myself."

'Do you do anything other than coconut?'

Garlic, the wonderful stinking rose.

Placier.

"It's the closest I get to being a hunter-gatherer."

"Yes, you could have cooked it, but you didn't."

"If I'd wanted a Picasso I'd have gone to an art gallery, wouldn't I?"

“Here’s to the 240 bucks we’re paying the sitter.”

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"What makes you so sure our local farmers know what they're doing?"

"We like to know where our food comes from."