Loan Jargon Enthusiast Gifts

Your mortgage has been approved. Now you'll see just how fast a month can fly by.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

"I propose the next person who says 'it is what it is,' we beat the living hell out of him."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

"Mr. Thomaston's people are here to talk to your people."

"Look at this - we're trying to merge with some of our acquisitions, and we're trying to acquire some of our mergers."

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

'But it didn't cost anything, dear! I did it all off balance-sheet!'

'It has everything... I love it!'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

'I got my foot in the door...at a price!'

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

Dog Beginning For A Loan

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

Dan tells me you're an architect. That is so cool! Thanks! Cloud architect, actually.