Financial Jargon Lover Gifts

During my leave of absence, your portfolio will be turned over to a 'wealth maintenance organisation.'

"I clear suspense accounts, analyze uncashed checks...I'm non-smoking, easygoing, warm...'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

GDP and G&T.

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

"I kicked the idea of mowing the lawn into the long grass."

Terms and conditions on the mount

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

"Enhanced branding metrics drive robust solutions for scalable monetization of jargon."

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are the best team money can buy. Now LET'S PLAY BALL!'

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

"Thank you for coming. The talks were forthright and useful, and provided an excellent climate in which to resolve our remaining differences."

"That wasn't daydreaming; I was internalizing my goal targeted self performance metrics."

Childhood can be tough when your dad is a lawyer...

Digital Marketing

"Herewith, we recommend the following: when you're up to your rear in alligators, it's worth remembering your original purpose was to drain the swamp...."

"This is Rob Dolan on a recorded line, anything you say may be held against you in a court of law."

JIT -Jittery Inventory Turnover

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

"As I mentioned before, Fassler, you'll never go anywhere until you start using 'impact' as a verb."

'Good work, I doubt whether any of the shareholders will understand it.'

"Yes, but...will it scale?"