Financial Jargon Fan Gifts

'No, my son. Arbitrage is not a bad word but perhaps it should be.'

"Here are my notes on collateralized debt obligation. Make me sound like I know what I'm talking about."

Remember, Lad, there is a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood leads to positive cash flow. Omitted, the portfolio of their lives are bound in shallows and miseries.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

"#Win!"

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'I'm only seven years old -- I don't HAVE a credit rating yet!'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

European currency on the edge.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

World Economic Crisis.

Economy - USA.

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof