Financial Jargon Enthusiast Gifts

'He's upset after finding out 'lol' means 'lots of laughs'... not 'lots of loot'.'

"We've had to replace 'fat cat bonuses' with 'amortised emoluments with enhanced front-loaded bonuses!'"

'The peaky arb decided to recommend azoth.'

Center for the Study of the Economic R Word.

"'Plummet' is such a harsh term, Mr. Dolan. We prefer to say priced 'below cost basis'."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'Now that we've moved to Hawaii, I can start trading at 3:30 a.m.--Isn't that great?'

"I propose the next person who says 'it is what it is,' we beat the living hell out of him."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

Woman uses an ATM with buttons for: Grocery, Leverage Buyout, Start Up Capital, Shop Till You Drop.

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"Look at this - we're trying to merge with some of our acquisitions, and we're trying to acquire some of our mergers."

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

"Mr. Thomaston's people are here to talk to your people."

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

'But it didn't cost anything, dear! I did it all off balance-sheet!'

'It has everything... I love it!'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"