Financial Lingo Lover Gifts

'I'm afraid we never use the 'I' word around here...'

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'Now that we've moved to Hawaii, I can start trading at 3:30 a.m.--Isn't that great?'

Woman uses an ATM with buttons for: Grocery, Leverage Buyout, Start Up Capital, Shop Till You Drop.

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

Man feeding fish banks with money, not food.

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

The Bullish World

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

'Last night Warren Buffett came to me in a dream and whispered in my ear, but it was just sexual.'

"I thought I'd done everything necessary to guarantee us a decent pension..."

'Do we have any stocks rated 'cute'?'

Calls of the Wild: Moose Call, Coyote Call and Margin Call.

Man with a Plan

'Your in great shape...'

'Good work, I doubt whether any of the shareholders will understand it.'

"junior, I'll explain 'taxation' to you, if you explain 'crowdfunding' to me."

We all know we're up against a new ball game, a paradigm shift and a game changer, but luckily the cliches remain the same.

'Your investments aren't under performing, they're just appreciation challenged.'

'My protocol ate your paradigm.'

"No time for sound bites. Just give me a couple of sound nibbles."

"Nice speech. A blend of the aspirational and pie-in-the-sky nonsense."