Business Lingo Lover Gifts

'My protocol ate your paradigm.'

Dad talks in management speak. Mum translates: 'He'll give you 50p to clean the car'

Penny for the Guy

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

"I made a straightforward proposal, Moira, and all I ask is a linear response."

'I'm tired - let's outsource dinner tonight.'

'Don't you all feel energised, full of enthusiasm for the future!'

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

GDP and G&T.

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are the best team money can buy. Now LET'S PLAY BALL!'

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

Digital Marketing

JIT -Jittery Inventory Turnover

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

'I was a tall, handsome prince, and an evil witch downsized me.'

'Ms. Kravetz, find me a euphemism to describe this productivity gain somewhere between resource action and you're all fired.'

"That wasn't daydreaming; I was internalizing my goal targeted self performance metrics."

'Good work, I doubt whether any of the shareholders will understand it.'

We all know we're up against a new ball game, a paradigm shift and a game changer, but luckily the cliches remain the same.

"Yes, but...will it scale?"

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"No time for sound bites. Just give me a couple of sound nibbles."