Business Lingo Gifts

'I'm tired - let's outsource dinner tonight.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

'We no longer call it 'hiring' - we now call it 'insourcing'.'

'There's an absence of leadership in this authority,we need to explore the possibility of thinking about setting up a sub-committee to look into it.'

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

'Don't you all feel energised, full of enthusiasm for the future!'

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

GDP and G&T.

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

"You're all redundant."

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are the best team money can buy. Now LET'S PLAY BALL!'

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

'I was a tall, handsome prince, and an evil witch downsized me.'

Digital Marketing

JIT -Jittery Inventory Turnover

'Ms. Kravetz, find me a euphemism to describe this productivity gain somewhere between resource action and you're all fired.'

"Boss, I didn't understand your memo. It reads 'W.U.W.T.M.S.A.' What does that mean?"

'Good work, I doubt whether any of the shareholders will understand it.'

"Yes, but...will it scale?"

'My protocol ate your paradigm.'

We all know we're up against a new ball game, a paradigm shift and a game changer, but luckily the cliches remain the same.

"Nice speech. A blend of the aspirational and pie-in-the-sky nonsense."

"There'd be a lot less hemming and hawing if you did a better job of flimming and flamming."