Jargon Enthusiast Gifts

Good start. Needs more gibberish.

'But it didn't cost anything, dear! I did it all off balance-sheet!'

'A lawyer orders lunch.'

"Your report just tells me what I already know. Good work. I hate surprises."

"I was on the cutting edge. I pushed the envelope. I did the heavy lifting. I was the rainmaker. Then I ran out of metaphors."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"I'm a doctor-I can add 'ectomy' to any word I choose."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"By using the accelerated graphics port with the m202 riser we can implement a data trawl without the 8ot network blah,blah cascading through the network..."

"There are parts of this contract that ANYONE could understand. You'll have to rewrite it!"

'Send this contract back to legal. It needs more obfuscation.'

Gobbledygookologist

'It has everything... I love it!'

Jungle of Paragraphs.

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

"I've written an innovative multi-platform blue sky interdisciplinary paradigm stretching insight into the abuse of jargon."

"I thought it was all sciencespeak, but it turns out bespeak is nothing like chemspeak."

'I believe, working together, we can turn this organization around a full 360 degrees.'

"Now over to the weather desk for a detailed report."

"What is a knowledge worker and do we have any on the staff."

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

'Hello, I'm your new service provider'.

The Society for the Elimination of Acronyms hands out t-shirts

"This licensing contract could use a little more mumbo here and a lot more jumbo there."

''Big Society'...paradigm shift blah! Blah! Community spirit, neighbourhood cohesion, blah! Blah! Social inputs, perceptual platforms blah! Blah!'

" 'Take over' is such a harsh term. We prefer corporate make over.' "

'Okay, okay... I take it back! Your scrubs don't make your gut look even fatter!'

"Let me put that in words you won't understand."

"Boss, I didn't understand your memo. It reads 'W.U.W.T.M.S.A.' What does that mean?"

'He's just joking - they've had a long day in surgery.'

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

It's not a legal document, I can understand every word.

"HR would likes us to remove any reference to 'compassion' from the job description and replace it with 'a qualification in client facing communication and empathy management skills'!"

Baeball Translators

"We need to talk about your collections. To put it in your language your cash flow has developed a stoppage."