Live Performance Buff Gifts

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

Showbiz Awards

Zombie standup

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Anna Calvi

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

'One eye of newt or two?'

Trump! The Musical

Comedy Cafe

"This next one's another oldie."

Saint George and the Drag Queen

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Mikado

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

Deflator mouse

A little bird told me...

Theatre Crowd

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

"Tong!"

"We have a song, but neither of us can remember it."

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

"Free Bird!"

"Of course I'm dressed like a cheap w***e! It's Halloween! Duhh!"

Eric Clapton.

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

Macbeth: Take Two

Masquerade

Un ballo in maschera

Shakespeare in the Park: "To pee, or not to pee..."

'Popovitch, nobody laughed about you until you fell off the ladder and got trampled down by the elephants. I want you to do that every evening.'

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

Tristan Und Isolde