Live Music Buff Gifts

'That was Charlie Parker's 'Ornithology.' I threw in a flat nine in bar 16 and a tritone substitution in bar 22. Who noticed that? Hands up if you noticed!'

And on facilitation...

Glastonbury. After.

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Jazz quartet, piano, bass, sax and drums

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

At the rock concert...

"That is an outrageous slur."

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

I'm not saying I'm not a hound dog. I'm saying I'm not nothing but a hound dog.

Chano Pozo,

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

Piano Keyboard

"Free Bird!"

Plum jam...

Steve Howe.

Yo! Emmett Kelly raps! (with ringmaster flash)

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

Occupational Hazards.

"Folks, if you look out of your window at those clouds below, you'll have a nice view of the Grateful Dead dancing bears."

'At least I don't have his life.'

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

Language purists bring correctness to a whole new level, forcing a name change for Ireland's most famous band.

Doggy conductor

'We had to donwsize.'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, "Earnest's invite had lied about there being a live band"

Stabbing an opera singer to hit the high notes.