Live Performance Gifts

"In conclusion , I'll replay the notes I played incorrectly. There was an F sharp, two E flats, a G..."

"I'm going to pull a seat number from this fish bowl and someone will have a very memorable night at the theater."

Ginger Baker.

A band playing while wearing face masks

"I can't have the wart removed, I just got the Wicked Witch role in 'Wizard of Oz'."

Strong Female Lead

"Free Bird!"

"The rest of our trio couldn't make it tonight, folks, so I'll do my best to fill in for them!"

"My next tune is called 'A Delicate Shade Of Blue'."

"They all seem to be playing a different song!"

"'Don't quit your day job???' Hey, that's mean!"

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"But seriously folks, can you feel the requited love in this room?"

Singer with microphone coming from her cleavage.

A man and a woman discussing the skill of the pianist.

"This song is about the one that got away through the air ducts after stealing my wallet backstage."

"This next song is about those times when you don't feel really happy or really sad, but just feel okay."

"This next song is for my ex-wife Joan."

"This one goes out to the lovers who aren’t intimidated by my tip jar."

Dianne Reeves

"Tonight is open mike, n'est-ce pas?"

Glastonbury. After.

Zombie standup

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Pete Townshend Vineyards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

Anna Calvi

Comedy Cafe

"This next one's another oldie."

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."