Little Shopper Gifts

'...What else exactly did you purchase online with Daddy's credit card details?'

Twenty-first century baby walker

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

'She's so put together!'

SALE

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

"Everything's gone up."

'I'm sorry, sir, but our happy hour doesn't start for another fifteen minutes.'

"Perhaps a cozy scarf to go with the hat?"

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

'She's on the trail of a pair of Jimmy Choo's.'

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

Everything for a buck.

'I went to see a personal shopper this afternoon. . . I thought I'd surprise you!'

Fashion Mistake.

'Do you have any relaxed fit jeans that aren't quite so relaxed?'

"I often think of the 'Hereafter'. When I'm shopping I'm always asking myself 'What am I here after?'"

'Cool, a wheel. Now you can take me shopping.'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Complex Carbs

"Let's make believe they have to get dressed to go out now because there's a big sale at Bloomingdale's."

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

I'm not buying a $25 set of boring hooded towels off a big box store baby shower registry. Mom fights the man! The local baby boutique will have a hipper selection. So true! Catch those adorable all-organic, artist-designed towels! Cute! And only $55 each! My pretentions are never cheap!

'And don't forget the eggs dear'

Self Magazine,

"I can't believe I spent seven million dollars on tights."