Literary Lunatic Gifts

Emily Dickinson Rebooted

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."

The Proust of Twitter

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'What have you got for the man who knows everything?'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

It was then that Cervantes was inspired.

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

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Mr Punch's Illustrations to Shakspeare.

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

"No, I don't think I have a book in me. I think I have a chicken in me."

A General tries to get rid of peace.

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

Writer's Block Party

The central metaphor of her novel was a fly.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"I feel bad about Nora Ephron's neck."

'Houston, we have a problem. We're going to need a bigger toothbrush.'

"See - that's how he's able to write all those plays."

'Yeah, my dad used to howl at the Moon before, but now he struggles to stay awake past sundown...'

T. S. Eliot

Spike Milligan

"Think of it -- you'd never have to fold another shirt."

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

Customer complains about an asteroid in his food.

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

"How's this? 'Quoth the Raven, Nevermore, unquoth.' "

James Russell Lowell

An astronaut finds a dehydrated man on the desert of the moon.