Literary Luminaries Gifts

"I feel your writing style is a bit old-school."

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

"Do me next."

Victor Hugo

Honoré de Balzac

J. R. R. Tolkien

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

"Puss in cement boots"

The Proust of Twitter

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"Mrs. Berg calls my book report a finely crafted debut and she looks forward to my next effort."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

Jorge Luis Borges

"I'm in children's books, myself."

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

'What have you got for the man who knows everything?'

Zora Neale Hurston

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

Christopher Isherwood

It was then that Cervantes was inspired.

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

Old Book Smell

Samuel Beckett

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

Stephen King

"No, I don't think I have a book in me. I think I have a chicken in me."

Meet The Author's Wife. The author is too surly to talk.

Snail: 'Do you mean to tell me I'm not a credible author?!'

J. D. Salinger

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

Edgar Allan Poe

"I feel bad about Nora Ephron's neck."

Writer's Block Party