Literary Diner Gifts

'Frank! That's not a napkin!'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'How is the water prepared?'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'How would you like your toast?'

"For drinks or dinner?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

"A votre sante!"

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Would you folks care for some fresh maple syrup on your pancakes?'

"Just a drop."

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

A train's dining car is a diner.

'You made me jump,'