Literary Diner Gifts

'Frank! That's not a napkin!'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Countervailing Clichés.

Diner

'How is the water prepared?'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"For drinks or dinner?"

'How would you like your toast?'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"A votre sante!"

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

A train's dining car is a diner.

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

"Just a drop."