Lit Lover Gifts

The Best of Times/The Worst of Times

"Sorry, Pembroke, but Telford here is lavishly illustrated."

The White Whale Mounted On The Wall

"Your new book, 'Help - My Head's Caught in a Pipe,' has been called by some to be semi-autobiographical. Can you comment on these rumors?"

We regret to inform you that your poem, "The Ramen," does not meet our publishing needs at this time. The short, frustrating career of Edgar Allan Typoe.

The Critic...

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

Thomas Mann.

The DaVinci Code

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

Victor Hugo

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Television Readers.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Jean-Paul Sartre

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

'It's a note...It says I.O.U. one pot of gold.'