List Manipulator Gifts

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

'You're reordering your priorities? -- Since when do you have priorities?'

"Your top 10 list of reasons why you didn't do your homework is creative, but not acceptable."

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

'I've got it written down...'

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

"I didn't get anything I asked for last year so I want your acceptance of this year's list to be notarized."

"Oh, no! My bucket list!"

"How long do you think we'll get away with it?"

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

"That would've gone better if I'd gotten here with my gift list instead of my spelling list."

Two men who work for The Federal Department of Bureaucracy look at chart 'Things to Pretend to do Today'

"Johnny is absent minded, lazy, easily distracted, loaf of bread, milk, half a pound of cheese...."

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

I try to stick to hunting. My wife makes me take a list when I'm gathering.

'I started making a list of things to do this morning, and before I knew it, it was quitting time.'

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'

"Whoa, too much information!"

Turning a business graph around to get a positive reading.

"Hey, the last thing I want to do is annoy you. That's actually ninth on my to-do list."

"Thanks, I'll write that down."

"You're on kid. Break a string!"

"I'd like to make a list. What do we kick when we die?"

Boss, the health inspector is here. Excellent. My hacker just finished restoring all the inspector's social media posts dating back to 1994. Tell him "It'd be a shame if someone's career were ruined by a 20-year-old video of him doing the Macarena in the buff." Don't wink too much. But not too little, either. Very bad man.

"Do you have to write down all the things you need to worry about?"

"I always create to-do lists."

"A huge breakthrough from our research and development team. . . they've figure out a way to fool all of the people all of the time!"

'It's guaranteed for one year.'