Liquid Laugh Seeker Pillows

'Finally I experienced runner's high. I put scotch in the water bottle.'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"That'll be five bucks."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

The only time cats are known to laugh.

"OMG, LOL!"

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Wet Cement. Always the joker, aren't you, Ernie?

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

"What did Jesus order?"

"Projectile hairballing."

Drunk Barber

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

'When Johhny told everyone he was going to be a comedian they all laughed...'

"Hey! Get back here!"

he used to belong to a cartoonist

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

"I've always wanted to do this - 'knock, knock...who's there?'"

Football heads...

Jerk Gene

Bald Man Overcomb

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

"Ok. . . who added the yellow?"

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'

Frank and Ernie's Classic Cars. '40s - '50s - '60s. Hi! Do you have any cars with fins in the back? Sorry, sir, nothing with Fins in the back -- but there are a couple with Norwegians in the trunk!

Comedy Store - Canned Laughter delivery.

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

When Stupid People Get an Idea