Liquid Laugh Seeker Pillows

'Finally I experienced runner's high. I put scotch in the water bottle.'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"That'll be five bucks."

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"OMG, LOL!"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"What did Jesus order?"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

"Projectile hairballing."

Drunk Barber

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

"Hey! Get back here!"

he used to belong to a cartoonist

'When Johhny told everyone he was going to be a comedian they all laughed...'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

Jerk Gene

Bald Man Overcomb

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

Football heads...

"I've always wanted to do this - 'knock, knock...who's there?'"

"Ok. . . who added the yellow?"

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

Comedy Store - Canned Laughter delivery.

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'