Laugh Seekers Pillows

'It's an obvious case of identity theft.'

"How much should I spend on a bottle of wine?"

"That'll be five bucks."

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

"Have you tried the David and Goliath cocktail?"

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

Here Lies Inventor of Autocorrect - Restaurant in Peace

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Bad fake tan day.

"Can you make me look like Wolverine?"

Piranhaclaus

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

'Red Rover, Red Rover...'

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

"Alexa, play Thriller by Michael Jackson."

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

"It's probably just seasonal."

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

Shell Fire

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

'I'm an atheist!'

"What did Jesus order?"