Lightweight Challenger Pillows

It's our new twin-handle beer mug. It's for manly, two-fisted drinkers, as well as weaklings like you who can't lift it with one hand.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

The rocket powered skiier

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"Fine - you don't want to run in the corporate 5K - I get it. What about the corporate cage fighting team?"

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

AI

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your fitness watch: It's just that you haven't moved enough to trigger it..."

'She does great things with leftovers. . .She throws them out.'

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

When a nanosecond is forever.

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

'I am a staving artist. I'm fat because all I can afford is junk food!'

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

'You can't do anything right. What you need is confidence.'

The cake diet.

"Questions have been raised about our leadership skills!"

We're never going to lose weight if we don't get rid of the fridge light.

'Sure elephants never forget. You can't even remember how to ride a bicycle.'

'I reduce my stress with comfort food. Now none of my clothes are comfortable.'

"Moving to a chair to eat three times a day really isn't 'doing sit-ups!'"

'What makes you so sure this is good for my health?'

As soon as the diet ends the lost weight returns.

"This is doing nothing for my abs."

'I got him for self defense. Boze eats my wife's leftovers.'

A boy boasting of his strength

'It's the thin person inside you, screaming to get out - I'm afraid he's not alone.'

'Irregular heartbeat. Due to irregular exercise.'

Two weighing machines, one speaks your weight and the other lies about it.

'My gosh, I'm losing my jowls!'