Weight Loss Challenger Pillows

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'It's the thin person inside you, screaming to get out - I'm afraid he's not alone.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

To do before Saturday...

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

It's our new twin-handle beer mug. It's for manly, two-fisted drinkers, as well as weaklings like you who can't lift it with one hand.

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

Valleyview diet clinic

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

AI

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Shrink

A diuretic! Are you sure about this?

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your fitness watch: It's just that you haven't moved enough to trigger it..."

Jump-Rope Rhymes For Adults

"Ready to head back?"

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

'I intend to stay as CEO of this organisation come hell or high cholesterol.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

'What's with my cholesterol problem, Doc - all I eat is grass and grain!'

'If you want your diet to work, you're going to have to take the wheels off your refrigerator.'