Lighthearted Health Enthusiast Gifts

'Why I diagnose a stress syndrome? Well... Put some milk and sugar into your urine and you can open up a coffee shop.'

"Yes, hello. I'm hoping you've found a cure for my hiccups...but I'm not holding my breath!"

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'Please bow your head and cough. I need to check your hairballs.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Good morning Walters, I see you've mad a speedy recovery from your bout with smallpox!'

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

Tangled facing dog...

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

Lard Lite - Marketing

"You're getting too much fiber."

'...And now, this Surgeon-General's warning: 'Look out, you fools!''

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

'I don't care what anyone says! This is really hard work!'

'It's supposed to be stripped weight, but that's close enough.'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

Doctor to man: 'Don't kid yourself. You don't have athlete's foot - more like couch potato's corns.'

'I knew it was a rash decision, but I went with it anyway.'

"Crunch gym"

'Do red sweaters have that carcinogenic red dye #2 in them?'

I Speak Your Weight: "Lay off the pizza and chips!"

'He'll eat green vegetables... but only with chocolate syrup on them.'

Strict Diet,

"Open wide and say, Fa La La Ahhh."

'It's not so easy to keep your figure when you're getting older!'

"Mildly invasive. At most we'll be using a comb."

"Have you tried taking viagra Mr. Floppalottalus?"

"Apply ice and no shirtless accordian playing for a couple weeks."

"It's about your cholesterol, Mrs Spratt"