Light-hearted Health Savant Gifts

'You have hypertension. Don't let everything get to you. Take things with a grain of salt substitute.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

"You're getting too much fiber."

Doctor to man: 'Don't kid yourself. You don't have athlete's foot - more like couch potato's corns.'

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

'I don't care what anyone says! This is really hard work!'

'He'll eat green vegetables... but only with chocolate syrup on them.'

"Crunch gym"

'Do red sweaters have that carcinogenic red dye #2 in them?'

"Yes, hello. I'm hoping you've found a cure for my hiccups...but I'm not holding my breath!"

Strict Diet,

The Cancer Risk of Processed Meat

"Open wide and say, Fa La La Ahhh."

"Mildly invasive. At most we'll be using a comb."

'The 'Humungo Meal' comes with your choice of 2 sides...heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes or obesity.'

"There's always a catch. This one is very low in salt, but it contains some styrchnine."

"It's about your cholesterol, Mrs Spratt"

'Hey guys, there's a puddle of sick over there, if you fancy some fruit and veg.'

"I'm gonna smoke 20 years worth of cigarettes in one go to save time..."

'The law requires me to inform you that everything you've ordered may be hazardous to your health.'

"I follow a Mediterranean diet."

'They tired to put healthy snacks in the vending machines but the rotting food slows productivity!'

'Why I diagnose a stress syndrome? Well... Put some milk and sugar into your urine and you can open up a coffee shop.'

Loved His Carbs.

Health Shop: 'Got anything more exciting?' 'Sure, under the counter we've got beefburgers and chips...and cream cakes!'