Light-hearted Health Savant Pillows

'You have hypertension. Don't let everything get to you. Take things with a grain of salt substitute.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"You're getting too much fiber."

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

'I don't care what anyone says! This is really hard work!'

Doctor to man: 'Don't kid yourself. You don't have athlete's foot - more like couch potato's corns.'

'He'll eat green vegetables... but only with chocolate syrup on them.'

"Crunch gym"

'Do red sweaters have that carcinogenic red dye #2 in them?'

"Yes, hello. I'm hoping you've found a cure for my hiccups...but I'm not holding my breath!"

Strict Diet,

"Open wide and say, Fa La La Ahhh."

The Cancer Risk of Processed Meat

"Mildly invasive. At most we'll be using a comb."

'The 'Humungo Meal' comes with your choice of 2 sides...heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes or obesity.'

"There's always a catch. This one is very low in salt, but it contains some styrchnine."

"Have you tried taking viagra Mr. Floppalottalus?"

"I'm gonna smoke 20 years worth of cigarettes in one go to save time..."

'The law requires me to inform you that everything you've ordered may be hazardous to your health.'

'They tired to put healthy snacks in the vending machines but the rotting food slows productivity!'

'Hey guys, there's a puddle of sick over there, if you fancy some fruit and veg.'

"I follow a Mediterranean diet."

"It's about your cholesterol, Mrs Spratt"

Loved His Carbs.

Health Shop: 'Got anything more exciting?' 'Sure, under the counter we've got beefburgers and chips...and cream cakes!'