Hopeful Health Enthusiast Pillows

'I feel smaller already.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

'Your reflexes are still good!'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Corona Funeral

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'