Lighthearted Health Enthusiast Pillows

'Why I diagnose a stress syndrome? Well... Put some milk and sugar into your urine and you can open up a coffee shop.'

"Yes, hello. I'm hoping you've found a cure for my hiccups...but I'm not holding my breath!"

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Good morning Walters, I see you've mad a speedy recovery from your bout with smallpox!'

Tangled facing dog...

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

Lard Lite - Marketing

"You're getting too much fiber."

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

'...And now, this Surgeon-General's warning: 'Look out, you fools!''

'It's supposed to be stripped weight, but that's close enough.'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

Doctor to man: 'Don't kid yourself. You don't have athlete's foot - more like couch potato's corns.'

'I don't care what anyone says! This is really hard work!'

'I knew it was a rash decision, but I went with it anyway.'

'Do red sweaters have that carcinogenic red dye #2 in them?'

"Crunch gym"

'He'll eat green vegetables... but only with chocolate syrup on them.'

I Speak Your Weight: "Lay off the pizza and chips!"

Strict Diet,

"Mildly invasive. At most we'll be using a comb."

"Open wide and say, Fa La La Ahhh."

'It's not so easy to keep your figure when you're getting older!'

"Apply ice and no shirtless accordian playing for a couple weeks."

A balanced diet is a chocolate bar in each hand!

"It's about your cholesterol, Mrs Spratt"

'Hey guys, there's a puddle of sick over there, if you fancy some fruit and veg.'